I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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