Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
