'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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