just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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