so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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