i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
