Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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