who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
