he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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