oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
