We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
