I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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