I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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