found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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