i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
