I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
