she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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