She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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