By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
