I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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