He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
