One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
