To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
