I bet he comes in French.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
