Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
