Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Pants are for mortals
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