By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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