he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
