Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
