I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
