Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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