guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
