NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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