I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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