We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
