I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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