I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
