Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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