There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
