she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's get the cat blown out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
