Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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