If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
