Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
