great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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