I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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