Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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