Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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