D3 body, D1 cock
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
