He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
