I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
