so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
