So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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